Introduction: What did you change?
In the introduction, I changed the last few sentences, which was my thesis, I first made sure it was not a run on sentence. Then I reorganized my thoughts of what the paper was going to be about. As well as make it clear that I agree with Cuddy and that it is pretty simple to join a new Discourse.
Evidence and Explanation: Did you add new evidence?
I added more quotes from Gee that I used to show why I disagreed with him. This was in two different paragraphs. As well as shorten a quote from Cuddy, originally the quote was so long and it crowed out my own ideas, so I shortened it to two sentences. Therefore I was able to focus more on my own thoughts, instead of Cuddys. As well as making the Cuddy evidence more meaningful.
Reorganization: Did you move a paragraph to another place?
First I moved my second to the last paragraph to replace the second paragraph I did this because the third body paragraph will help with the organization of the paper, as it made a more solid introduction of what I was arguing for. I also changed where I put two different quotes from my first paragraph to the third paragraph.
New Paragraphs:
I added one new paragraph, using Barkley’s formula, I made this my first body paragraph this improved my paper because now readers were able to see how Cuddy and Gee compare to each other. Further, it set up how I agree with Cuddy but I recognize some of the importance of what Gee was saying.
