Original:

In Science Discourse, having a strong social relation is extremely important because it is how scientists  “ use language to signal what sort of relationship we have, want to have, … [They] use language to build social relationships” (Gee 34). Scientific relationships are important to be able to build a good relationship in the craft and communicate your findings. In the different discourses, you need to build different relationships with a different scientist in your field and other fields. As Gee said that we use certain languages to show and attain different relationships. These certain types of diction we use come from what you learn when you first join the Discourse, we see an example of this is in Haas when she was following an undergraduate student named Eliza during her junior and senior year when she had a mentor who helped her learn the languages of the discourse and how to build relationships. A key point in science Discourse is building relationships, which is reached when Eliza was able to learn from Shelly in the lab: “Eliza’s work with shelly in the lab may have also contributed to her awareness of the social and rhetorical dimensions of discourse.”(67 Haas) These show the important relationship Eliza made with shelly so she can have a guide to the discourse. Although shelly was a guide for how to perform experiments, she was also able to guide her in the different diction they use. 

Revised:

In Science Discourse, having a strong social relation is extremely important because it is how scientists  “ use language to signal what sort of relationship we have, want to have, … [They] use language to build social relationships” (Gee 34). Scientific relationships are important to be able to build a good relationship in the craft and communicate your findings. In the different discourses, you need to build different relationships with a different scientist in your field and other fields. As Gee said that we use certain languages to show and attain different relationships. These certain types of diction we use come from what you learn when you first join the Discourse, we see an example of this is in Haas when she was following an undergraduate student named Eliza during her junior and senior year when she had a mentor who helped her learn the languages of the discourse and how to build relationships. A key point in science Discourse is building relationships, which is reached when Eliza was able to learn from Shelly in the lab: “Eliza’s work with shelly in the lab may have also contributed to her awareness of the social and rhetorical dimensions of discourse.”(67 Haas) These show the important relationship Eliza made with shelly so she can have a guide to the discourse. Although shelly was a guide for how to perform experiments, she was also able to guide her in the different diction they use. When Haas says rhetorical dimensions she is saying that only people in that dimension of education and work can understand what keywords they use, without questioning or requiring further explanation. This understanding of the discourses diction mostly comes from learning it through experiences, and relationships made between people in the discourse at different levels, since Eliza had Shelly she was able to increase her social understanding of the discourses language and how to build new relationships in the future.